It's almost here

So, summer is almost here. K's last day is Thursday. M has been out of school since mid-may. That has not been too bad. I fully admit that I am not ready for them to be out for the summer. I am not sure how it is going to go. I am some what dreading it. I need to decompress. I feel like I am about to burst. Apparently, I don't find scrapbook retreats relaxing like I thought I did. It requires thinking. I need something that is mindless. No thinking required. I was hoping that S would take the kids to Arkansas by himself for a few days so I could literally just veg out, but no. He is not going to. He could to go see his side of the family, but he won't. Going out of town to see family or friends by myself is no longer fun. I don't enjoy doing it all by myself. And the downtown that I do get without them no longer out ways the constant keeping vigilant of them. S gets to go to a conference for a week in the fall that I am dreading and will go out of my mind if I don't get some massive down time by myself prior to that. I will be very bitter towards him if he does not step up his game. I was hoping to take a cruise this summer that I could literally take them to the child center that they have so that I can be by myself as much as possible, but that is not going to work out financially. I am finding myself having small panic attacks now and then. They come after a stressful day or whenever my mother-in-law comes over. I hope that the pills I have to accommodate that will be effective. We will see.

Now that I have mentioned my mother-in-law, she actually drives me crazy. I actually have panic attacks after she leaves my house after a visit. When she is around, my heart pounds, my blood pressure likely rises (I actually don't know for sure since I cant measure it), I get hot, I sweat. I wait patiently for her to do or say something stupid. She almost always does. In fact her last visit, she was able to piss me off with 2 different statements. The last one really pissed me off because she had the balls to say "I was heartless" since I had no plans to take the kids to Arkansas and make stops at her parents house. First, I am not planning on a trip to Arkansas this summer by myself or with Steven for his niece's wedding shower. If he chooses to go, he will be taking the kids with him or he will not be going. Second, lets just say I was going to Arkansas by myself with the kids. I WOULD NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES take them to her parents' house or any one else related to her. I never have and I never plan to. EVER! I can't stand that woman and wish I could not talk to her the way her only daughter does. However, that does not happen often since they come over quite a bit. I have been answering my phone when I see my father-in-law's number, but way to often he is just calling me on her behalf. I will have to stop answering his calls as well.

That's all I got, how did you like that?