Is it Reasonable

If a man goes into a jewelry store with his wife to look at a particular piece of jewelry, an upgraded wedding ring to be specific, is fair to assume that he will be purchasing said jewelry in the near future? I say "yes."

My husband and I recently went into Jared's to look at wedding rings in platinum settings. We looked at a specific rings that would hold my diamond from my original gold setting, per his suggestion. I knew going in that we would not purchase any ring that day. It was meant to be a process to determine what I liked, would it work with my short fingers, metal types and price. We were very up front with the salesman, so everyone involved knew nothing would be purchased that day. When he asked when we were looking to buy, Steven had said in December.

OK, so in December we have Christmas, our anniversary, and my birthday 3 weeks later in January. I honestly believed that I would receive a ring in December for said occasions that are so close together. And some how this evening, the topic came up. Truth be told, I am not sure even how it got started. Anyways, he said that I would not be getting a new ring anytime soon. In fact, he got pissed that I had believed I would be receiving one. Then he says I can sell my ring for $500 to $600 dollars and invest it and then get a ring later. There are so many flaws with that thinking from him. 1) He said at the jewelry store that he would want me to keep my center stone for sentimental reasons. 2) My husband invests money for long term, not for a short while to get me a ring. 3) If he loses it, then there will never be a ring. A new diamond would be increase the price of new ring exponentially.

This brings me to my question again. With all the info from above, was it a reasonable conclusion from my end to assume a new ring would be a gift from my husband in the very near future?

It's almost here

So, summer is almost here. K's last day is Thursday. M has been out of school since mid-may. That has not been too bad. I fully admit that I am not ready for them to be out for the summer. I am not sure how it is going to go. I am some what dreading it. I need to decompress. I feel like I am about to burst. Apparently, I don't find scrapbook retreats relaxing like I thought I did. It requires thinking. I need something that is mindless. No thinking required. I was hoping that S would take the kids to Arkansas by himself for a few days so I could literally just veg out, but no. He is not going to. He could to go see his side of the family, but he won't. Going out of town to see family or friends by myself is no longer fun. I don't enjoy doing it all by myself. And the downtown that I do get without them no longer out ways the constant keeping vigilant of them. S gets to go to a conference for a week in the fall that I am dreading and will go out of my mind if I don't get some massive down time by myself prior to that. I will be very bitter towards him if he does not step up his game. I was hoping to take a cruise this summer that I could literally take them to the child center that they have so that I can be by myself as much as possible, but that is not going to work out financially. I am finding myself having small panic attacks now and then. They come after a stressful day or whenever my mother-in-law comes over. I hope that the pills I have to accommodate that will be effective. We will see.

Now that I have mentioned my mother-in-law, she actually drives me crazy. I actually have panic attacks after she leaves my house after a visit. When she is around, my heart pounds, my blood pressure likely rises (I actually don't know for sure since I cant measure it), I get hot, I sweat. I wait patiently for her to do or say something stupid. She almost always does. In fact her last visit, she was able to piss me off with 2 different statements. The last one really pissed me off because she had the balls to say "I was heartless" since I had no plans to take the kids to Arkansas and make stops at her parents house. First, I am not planning on a trip to Arkansas this summer by myself or with Steven for his niece's wedding shower. If he chooses to go, he will be taking the kids with him or he will not be going. Second, lets just say I was going to Arkansas by myself with the kids. I WOULD NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES take them to her parents' house or any one else related to her. I never have and I never plan to. EVER! I can't stand that woman and wish I could not talk to her the way her only daughter does. However, that does not happen often since they come over quite a bit. I have been answering my phone when I see my father-in-law's number, but way to often he is just calling me on her behalf. I will have to stop answering his calls as well.

That's all I got, how did you like that?

Yet again

It never seems to fail that when I go to the grocery store, my husband bitches. And I mean every fucking time without fail. This time was no exception. (for his record, it was about the salsa, chicken, and buying cleaning supplies at Kroger rather than anywhere else.) He bitches when I don't go and he bitches when I do go. So, why in the hell would I want to go do something if I am going to get bitched at either way. Doesn't make any sense to me. Just wanted to put it out there as a record. He is a bitcher.

And here is a useless list of things I can't stand but do anyway. And they are in order of least favorite to most tolerable.
1. Going to the dentist
2. Putting up with my mother law
3. Going to the grocery store.
4. Anything else

I am bored

I am completely bored. I was going to be spending a quiet evening with dh watching tv doing mindless work when he got a better offer. He went to go play tennis with a friend. Understandably so. I probably would have gone too if I wasn't leaving him on Friday to go scrap.

Anyways. I need attention. Seriously. I just need somebody to pay attention to me. Make me the center of their world for a while. I don't know. Just something other than speaking the phrase "I've got (fill in the blank) in my pants." Anything else will do. Anything

I wish I were hot again. Like the way I looked prior to getting married hot. I remember one time that a guy saw me at a gas station as he drove by. Stopped and turned around just to come hit on me. That is the kind of attention that I used to get and would love to get again. I want to get a 2nd look from men as they pass by. I want somebody to blatantly look me up and down with no regards to getting caught. That would make me happy. Seriously happy.

So, in conclusion...I am bored, need attention, and wish I were hot again to get attention.

The end.

Unplugged

I feel as though my husband is unplugged. I don't know when the last time we talked that did not include money or finances. I know nothing about what goes on with him at work. He never talks to me about any thing, except when he wants to talk about his fantasy football team. That's about as interesting as watching paint dry. In fact, I know I have been more excited about dry paint than his f***ing team.

And the man become a machine of bodily functions. Just letting the most disgusting farts and burps fly. Does he really think I am suppose to find him attractive afterwards? No!!! That is as impressive as when he showed me his porn collection as a teenager when we first started dating. If he thinks he is getting any sex for Christmas or our anniversary, or New Year's, he is seriously misguided. I will not be just a hole for him! I deserve better. I am currently at the bottom of his list with everybody and everything else first. I wish I was still hot so that at least somebody of the male population would send a little attention my way.

I am so frustrated

I am completely frustrated. I thought that I had made myself clear that I was frustrated that my DH did not clean up his shit last week (to him). With my explanation of how I felt, I really thought he would have the house clean beyond what of what it looked like on Friday. So what does he do. He just cleans up the stuff he messed up and made the girls clean up some. Not completely, but some. The thing is that I worked late tonight due to carpet cleaning at work. I did not get home until after 9:30 and I even picked up something to eat for him. I truly expected to have the house spotless when I walked in. I truly did. And yet again I am dissappointed in my husband's inability to add to my happiness. It makes me want to scream. He is such a selfish person when it comes to helping me. It seems to be beyond him. It is beneath him. He is too good to help his wife, but is more that willing to do work for his parents. I find it so frustrating that he wants to please them when they don't live here and he doesn't have to see or talk to them, but he is not willing to make his wife happy. I am tired of coming last.

He Impresses Me

So, I have been thinking this for a while. As I have been thinking over and about my own life, the choices that I have made and the consequences that have come along with them, I see my DH completely happy with the choices that he has made. He has made great decisions in his and is happy with the results. He has moved up his career path so quickly considering his age. In the last year or so I would say he has changed the most, at least as a professional which is slowly leaked over into his personal life. Lately, he seems to be more personable with strangers than ever before. I remember going to the doctor with him when we first moved here and remember thinking that I had not seen him be "Mr. Personality" with a somebody he had never met before. He was funny and charming and I remember thinking that I found this new side of him to be pleasant, but very odd for him. I wish I had the ability to see him in action at work without him knowing I was there. I think that would give me some insight to the full version of him. I admit that I am intrigued. When I ask him about work, he rarely wants to talk about it. I don't know why. I thinks its fasinating to hear about his work relationships and the things he has to do. I envy his ability have something outside of the family that only he can do.

All that said, I wish I felt the way he does. I have never felt so empty as I do right now. I do not feel....well, I actually don't know what the right word is. Perhaps complete, or fulfilled, or valued, or successful. I feel stuck with no way out. I have tried to find fulfillment by getting a part time job in a something that really gets me going and feel happy when I am doing; however, it has not done what I hoped it would do. At first it did. I got a mental break from the household activities and family. And then on Monday I felt like I could tackle the world. But now, it I just feel tired at the end of the weekend and am ready for a good nights sleep and then on Monday I just want to relax and take a break, but I cant because I have work to do. Like on Monday I need to go grocery shopping for the next couple of weeks, which of course requires planning meals and making the list and then actually going, unloading the car, putting it away, etc. I seem to only do the mundane work like laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping, etc. After 2.5 years of it without a weekday job, I feel so useless and unappreciated. Like what is the fucking point? It never ends. There is never an end, just more added to it. It is a vicious cycle and I want out.